Celebrating Grandparents Who are There
The Blessing that is Involved Grandparents
They say it takes a village. For those of us lucky enough to have a village, you know exactly how valuable this village is. In many instances, a village has village elders. These are the foundation, the glue that holds the tiny village together. In families, grandparents serve as the foundation. When your parents become grandparents, magical things happen. You see your parents in a whole new light. They go from being Mom and Dad, to being something so much more. You thought you couldn’t love or appreciate them any more than you already did, but you do.
The University of Oxford even conducted a study with more than 1,500 children which results suggested that children who experience a significant level of involvement on behalf of their grandparents display less behavioral and emotional issues. Really it makes perfect sense, the more people who love, nurture, and teach your child, the more opportunity they have to be successful. The science backs it! There is just something otherworldly about grandparents who are there.
I was blessed to grow up with parents who behaved like actual parents. My heart aches for those from broken homes and abusive situations. Ultimately, it is a huge loss to those parents who squandered their opportunity to partake in the magical world that is loving and nurturing their children. My parents gave us everything. There were five of us, and somehow they managed to provide a world of love and opportunity to each of us. They would never hesitate to sacrifice their own wants and needs to provide for ours. There are so many things we took for granted growing up, so many sacrifices we didn’t truly understand. Sometimes, I dare say we did not fully appreciate the things our parents did for us. However, our parents would do it over and over again whether we were appropriately appreciative or not. This quality in them is only magnified toward their grandchildren. It is beautiful to witness someone love your children with the fierceness that only an involved grandparent can.
When my first daughter was born, I insisted on having my mother by my side. I was a 22 year old adult woman, but I knew that I was about to be in one of the most vulnerable positions of my life. All I could think was that I needed my mom. She was there to witness my first daughter, her first grand baby, make her grand entrance into this world. She helped me to power through a 62 hour induction. Though I was not about to have my dad in the room during the actual birth part of my labor, (do I even need to explain why?) he also played a role in my daughter’s birth. At the worst, scariest point in my labor, where I finally gave in and agreed to an epidural, my dad played a key role. My dad who works as a nurse at the hospital where I gave birth, came in with the anesthesiology team (with whom he was acquainted) and held me while I sat still through endless waves of pitocin-induced contractions while they placed the epidural. He was like a superhero.
Equally heroic, was my mother. Through my postpartum journey of going from young, overwhelmed, and scared new mom to a slightly well-adjusted and confident mother, she was there. She brushed my matted hair when I returned from the hospital, brought us a Thanksgiving feast, guided and encouraged me through a challenging breastfeeding journey, accompanied me to those first well-child checks with heartbreaking vaccinations, helped me battle the dark cloud of postpartum depression that threatened to crush me every single day, and literally did everything else under the sun to help me get my footing in motherhood. You never forget what people do for you during that transition from woman to mother. The emotions are overwhelming. The responsibility is crushing. The permanence of this life-altering change is daunting. To have your own mother to hold your hand and pull you to the surface is irreplaceable. I honestly don’t know how I would have done it without her.
Now I have two beautiful daughters. Not a day goes by that I am not in contact with my mother. I see her almost every day whether it is for a walk, a meal, or simply to spend time. We spend every Sunday with my parents. We attend church with them and my little sister and her husband. Then, we all go to our childhood home to have lunch and spend time together. Sundays are a huge bright spot in our week. We look forward to Sundays, the reverence it brings and the built in time with our children’s’ grandparents. The girls never complain about having to go to church. As much as they do enjoy church, I know that they are even more excited about the fact that they know they are going to see their “Lolli and Pops.” (That is what my parents decided they wanted to be called.) When we enter the chapel and find our seats, the girls don’t hesitate to run to the other side of the pew to tackle their grandparents. I often think of how blessed we are. Having the extra hands at church means that our kids stay entertained longer, and we even get the chance to hear a snippet of what is being taught at the pulpit. Sundays are beautiful.
Lolli and Pops have gone above and beyond for their grandchildren. Not only do they want them to come and visit often, they want their grandchildren to have some of the most miraculous experiences at their house. My eldest brother and father built a swing set for the kids to play on. They built in a sandbox underneath that swing set. They bought a seesaw, a playhouse, and a trampoline. They have chickens and let them out so the girls can feed them chicken scratch. They have little tikes cars, bikes, balls, and a bubble mower. They even set up a “Princess Room” which is essentially a decked out playroom straight out of any little girls’ wildest dreams. They say grandparents are meant to spoil their grandchildren. These two are doing a bang-up job of it!
Back when I worked outside of our home, we never had to pay for child care. My mother looked after our little girl as much as three mornings a week. I would usually return during my daughter’s nap time, and we would watch a show together while we waited for her to wake up. My mom never asked for any kind of compensation. She was glad just to be able to spend the time with her grandchild. If only every grandparent felt this way, the world would be a better place. Of course, this doesn’t mean we should take advantage. I don’t think it would be fair to expect a grandparent to watch your kids from 9-5, five days a week. As much as good grandparents love to spend time with their grandchildren, it should not become their full time job. They’ve already raised their kids.
When we need some time away, to have a date night or have some responsibility to fulfill, Lolli and Pops always make themselves available. The girls have had countless visits and sleepovers. They always have so much fun and are excited to go to Lolli and Pop’s house. We feel extremely blessed to know that our girls are in safe, competent hands. If we had to rely on a typical babysitter, we would probably never leave our girls’ sides. As much as there are many good and qualified babysitters out there, I have just heard one too many horror stories.
We also have Gigi. My husband’s mother who, though she is still working full time, makes time for us every week. Wednesdays are Gigi nights. We love Gigi nights. The girls play with the toys Gigi has provided for them while we visit and have dinner. Gigi also has two kitty’s the girls love to see when we visit. When it’s hot out, the girls love swimming at the pool at Gigi’s apartment complex. Gigi has also helped us out time and time again when we have needed someone to watch the girls. She will even stay with the girls so we can have a peaceful and productive grocery run. Another situation where we know our girls will be well-cared for in our absence. Gigi gives haircuts, snuggles, and the best squeezes. She adores the girls and they adore her.
On nights when I need a break, when I need to clean in peace, my husband can pack up the girls and take them to Gigi’s. There is never a complaint, never any judgement. We are only ever met with love and support. I’ve gotten countless messages telling me to send my little family over any time I need. Gigi has also seen our home unfiltered, in its messy, disastrous glory. Not once has she commented negatively on my house-keeping skills. Personally, I feel unbelievably blessed to have such a miraculous mother-in-law. Unfortunately, I know many who are not as lucky.
We know we are blessed beyond compare to have three active grandparent figures in our daughter’s lives. The girls feel this love, a love that they can only receive from their grandparents. Their self-esteem is boosted by receiving this love. Their lives are enriched to have these relationships with their grandparents. They will continue to receive blessings from the closeness they have with their Lolli, Pops, and Gigi. They will learn about the past, things that only their grandparents can teach them. Grandparents are irreplaceable. Today, with Grandparent’s Day approaching, we celebrate those grandparents who are present. Those who understand the vitality of the role they play in the lives of their children and grandchildren. We are eternally grateful for the glue that holds our village together. We only hope that we honor them and make them proud.
If you are in the same boat as us and your children have actively involved grandparents, we are so happy for you! Remember to tell them how grateful you are for all they do for your little family. Take the time to reflect on all the ways they’ve made your journey in parenthood easier. Most of all, treasure these moments you have with them. Take in each precious interaction between them and your little ones. These are a glimpse into the unmatched bliss of heaven.
To all you loving, hugging, boo-boo kissing, teaching, encouraging, and all-around top tier grandparents around the world, we feel your love, see your sacrifice, and appreciate all you do. Happy Grandparents’ Day!
