It's Okay to #momfail
Gasp! Did you see that #momfail?
We’ve all been there. You’ve set up an awesome activity for your kids. You’ve got them sun-screened up and spent more time than you care to admit trying to squeeze those wiggling bodies into swimwear. You bring them outside for hours of giraffe sprinkler entertainment. The kids begin splashing around in their kiddie pool while you get out the sprinkler to amp up the water fun. You are sure this is going to be a favorite. You can already hear the applause you’ll receive as you accept the award for fun-mom of the year. Then, the sprinkler turns on and BOOM… instant tears. The baby is crying, she’s scared of the thing. Your toddler loves it until that dang inflatable giraffe starts to deflate and passes away dramatically right before her eyes. Now they’re both crying and man do you feel like crying too.
The giraffe in question before tragedy struck.
At moments like this it is perfectly acceptable to take a deep breath, pick up those sweet babes, march inside, break out the favorite snacks, and just pop on a movie. Seriously, we all need a break sometimes. Even when we have the best intentions, things don’t always go according to plan. You’re still a super cool, fun, caring mom. So the giraffe gave up his life? He probably felt bad for scaring the baby.
There are times, though, where simply giving in to screen time isn’t an option. So, how do we cope when we #momfail? Sometimes we are able to laugh at ourselves because, if we’re being honest, these fails can be legitimately funny. Like when you’re trying to make your kid’s birthday cake look like Bluey but instead it comes out looking like one of the possessed animatronics from Five Nights At Freddy’s. No one ever said that professional baking skills were magically bestowed upon us when we popped out a baby.
Other times our #momfail is heavier and really nothing about it is funny. Occasionally, you bump your kid’s head on the car when trying to put them in their carseat. Once in a while, you may lose your patience and flip your lid. Sometimes you have a child who manages to get hurt no matter how many safety precautions you take. I have one of those who broke her leg at 9 months old which I go into more detail about in my post, How to Keep Your Wild Child Alive. When these things happen it is imperative that you forgive yourself. You cannot protect your kids from everything. They are going to have days filled with fun and adventure and rose-colored skies. This means that there are also going to be days overcast with pain and struggle. This is life. Our kids learn necessary coping skills through their struggles. As moms, we are here to help guide them through these struggles, to show them that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It sucks to watch your carefully laid out plans go up in flames. It sucks even more to watch your kids struggle. And it sucks the most when you feel like you somehow created the struggle (I’m looking at you Giraffe Sprinkler).
These are some things I do to try and get out of an especially bad mom-fail funk.
Talk to someone (Usually my Mom)
Confessing my failures and getting the perspective of someone on the outside is really so helpful. It’s nice to know that I am not alone, that we all make mistakes sometimes. Motherhood is loaded with responsibility, and we can’t be expected to carry all that weight on our own without going a little off the deep end.
Say a prayer
If there is anyone who understands our struggle, it is God. For those who are religious, a prayer can really do wonders for lifting the weight of your mom-guilt.
Meditate/Watch ASMR
Body scans and hair brushing ASMR videos are seriously relaxing to me. Sometimes when my mind is racing, debating all the ways I could’ve been a better mom that day, I just turn on some ASMR and let it all melt away.
Ultimately, when I find myself blaming myself when things go wrong, I try to remember that my intentions are always good. I never set out to bang my kid’s head into the car while trying to get them in their seat. The intention is to buckle them safely into their car seat so I can, most likely, take them somewhere fun and exciting. You are the one who knows best how to take care of your kids. You know what they are passionate about, what excites them, and what comforts them when they are sad. You are Momma, and there is something super-humanly powerful in that. Own your mistakes, but do not dwell on them. You are the best thing for those little people who look to you for their every need. They love you, and you love them. At the end of the day, that’s all that matters.
